Dead end

for the longest of time, the only thing that kept me going regardless of the number of difficulties, and even against my own lazy, rebellious self, was the thought that my husband loved me unconditionally. today, that belief has been shattered. and i suddenly find myself losing the only reason and meaning to go on fighting this battle within myself.

but to fall apart completely still isnt an option with the existence of my son. though i'm no longer sure if i can go on loving my husband like i did with my entire life before, i cant provide a broken/incomplete family for my dear innocent son who's unfortunately born to me. he will now be the reason i'll go on preserving this marriage. i may not be the most loving wife anymore, but at least the family structure is still intact. he will have someone to call "dad" and "mom, and he will have all of my love.

there were too many times i thought i'm done with the relationship. but this time round, it's different. i no longer crave for my husband's concern nor love anymore. even if he has an affair with another woman right now, i dont think that's going to affect me the least bit. my heart is dead as far as he is concerned. i just want him because he is my son's father.

And maybe after today, there is no more point in me blogging anymore. There is nothing that I will feel with a dead heart.