So, the past few weeks of making yet another round of major adjustments to my diet and lifestyle have been a mix of good and bad times. It started off really bad, but the last few days were one of sweet accomplishments. I was hardly surprised that the initial phase of coping with GD was a nightmare because i was walking through it completely on my own -- no dietician available to advise me on the kind of meal plans i should have. i also didnt get round to knowing how to use my diabetes test kit till 3 days after my gynae appointment. The best and only thing i could do was to research food nutrition online, and consult other mommies on the facebook support page who have had GD before. it took a while before i settled on a somewhat consistent 6-meals-a-day menu. i was about 95% confident that my meal plans will help me to keep my blood sugar under control because i've done a lot of research and had the help of many mommies who so generously shared with me their dietician's meal plans for GD. but my breakfast and dinner seem to keep yielding higher than normal results..and that was so frustrating and disappointing. i then made further adjustments -- taking out more stuff from my meals -- but the readings were STILL higher than normal. i was so compelled to think that it's my body that's behaving erratically, and that diet adjustments just arent enough to help me manage the condition. the temptation to give up was so great, especially since i was convinced that nothing i do could make the situation better. but for the sake of my son, i just have to keep trying and hope that eventually, i will see the light at the end of the tunnel..
the breaking point came when my reading after dinner went over 200 for the first time (205, to be exact) even though i was so sure i had not consumed any added sugar nor deviated much from the standard: brown rice and kimchi. i broke down because nothing was making sense to me and i was frustrated about the helplessness that i've been feeling since the start of this GD journey. Here i am trying my best to cope with the situation, but the results seem to be getting worse. i cant even find a way to describe how awful and horrible that feels...thankfully my husband stepped in and assured me that he will do everything to make sure that our baby is safe and that my delivery will be taken care of :-)
for some strange reasons or another, the following week provided much relief -- the readings were almost always well below the limit (except for 1 breakfast, even though i did not change my meal plan at all!) and i even got so complacent that i keep forgetting to do my test at the 1 hour mark. seeing the gynae today also reassured me that i've been doing the right thing for my baby and i should keep it up. i definitely dont know the reason for the huge difference between the first week and the second since my meal plans across the two weeks were very similar, but i thank God that i'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. having to stick strictly to a diabetic diet is no doubt difficult, there are still many days where i wish i could enjoy some chocolate lava cake, ice cream, fried chicken, donuts, sandwiches, rice, noodles, strawberry jam, etc like all other healthy people. there are still many moments where i felt so deprived i wanted to just let loose for a bit and go for the food i've been missing so terribly...i never in my life imagined that i would be able to live on a diabetic diet even for a day, but the fact is, i've lived on it for more than two weeks by now. giving up this sheer amount of hard work for a piece of chocolate lava cake doesnt sound like a good deal.
my greatest wish so far is that the GD goes away after delivery, and i can start eating normally. i really dont think it's an unreasonable wish to ask for...it's not that my eating normally is super unhealthy any way..
counting down to my due date gives me the motivation i need to stay on this dreadful diabetic diet! i guess it's double the bonus that i get to meet my son (FINALLY!!) AND hopefully be able to go back to my normal diet :-) i also cant wait to be done and over with the painful and horrible process of delivery...to date i still have no idea how i am going to handle the pain and stress when the time comes, but i dont think any first-time mothers do any way. just have to bite the bullet and go through it like all mothers do, eventually.
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