Just when i thought that i'm done and over with GD, the last gynae appointment sent a piece of really sudden and shocking news: the second GD test results were worse than the first. I was feeling confused because when i did the second series of blood tests, the nurse had told me that my blood sugar readings were within the normal range and assured me that all would be fine. I also adjusted my diet a bit and started a more regular exercise routine in preparation for the second series of test, so it was natural for me to believe that my test results would have been more positive than the first. Sadly, my blood sugar levels were dangerously above the normal range of 140 (mine read 196 in the first hour, 183 in the second, and 172 in the third) and the gynae panicked for a bit wondering why i wasnt informed of the negative test results. Nothing could describe my disappointment and worries at the gynae room...firstly, i was plain worried about what those weeks of delay would mean for my baby. during those weeks of ignorance about my GD condition, i would have exposed my baby to potential hypoglycemia after birth, increase his weight so much that natural birth is no longer possible, and also potentially affect his health in the long-term. secondly, i was frustrated that more adjustments have to be made to my diet, in addition to the numerous adjustments i've already made. it constantly makes me feel like nothing i do is EVER enough to sustain my pregnancy..but how can that be?! i've already sacrificed so much -- my comfort food, figure, my favorite physical activities like yoga, appearance (stretch marks are merciless), my freedom, more financial restrictions, travel restrictions, etc -- and that's still not enough?? How is this fair to me?
While waiting to get my diabetes test kit from the pharmacy, i so wanted to throw in the towel, walk away from the cruel reality, and run back to a more comforting virtual reality where i dont have as much restrictions. I wanted to cry out to God and ask why this is happening to me. i've always been healthy -- eating healthfully, and maintaining an active lifestyle -- before the pregnancy, and GD is the last thing on my mind that i would have to worry about. But the reality of the situation reminded me that i cant use the "escape" method again this time..whether i like it or not, the baby is coming, and the reality is that i'm alone out here in this sad place with my husband without any support. This is simply not the time for me to give up trying or be beaten by circumstances. i have to woman up and be the support for my husband and my baby. so i summoned whatever amount of energy i have left and used it to overcome the numerous obstacles right in front of me..strange enough, the thought of having to prick myself at least 4 times a day to test for blood sugar didnt seem so intimidating anymore.
While i was still having doubts about why God would put me through this, my husband reminded me that no matter what it is we have to go through, behind it is always God's purpose, and His purpose is always good. it was such a timely reminder, and felt almost like God was responding to my ceaseless "Why me?". It was also extra comforting to hear such words from my husband, because i never expected him to be grounded on the faith. knowing that he could rise up to be a Godly man in times of distress assures me that our marriage is built on a firm foundation.
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