未完結篇

There's so much drama the past few days that we've become tired...to the point we almost gave up. or rather, i gave up. besides trying to prepare myself for work some time in the future,  i'm also constantly striving to improve my condition so that i dont affect you too much. I think i'm getting better gradually, but sometimes things just happen and throw me off-track. perhaps i havent been praying to God much and the devil is making use of every opportunity to get at me...and i'm sorry for letting that happen. i know i'm not in a position to make any promises now becuz i'm not even sure how fast and well i will recover from my condition. but for you i will try beyond my best and keep praying for the best. words cannot describe the pain i feel when i watch you get affected by my unstable condition. times like these make me feel like a porcupine who wants to love and feel loved in return, but cant because i hurt anyone that gets close to me. 

some time ago, you drove me to school to get some work settled then have dinner at West Lake Restaurant. We tried not to over order, but still ended up with much unfinished food. You were also crazy obsessed with their pork buns and later defeated by the super fiery hot popiah. below is the evidence:

This could have looked a lot worse because your mouth area was so RED! Thank God for Instagram!

And here is the culprit...

Sometimes, it doesnt pay to be too adventurous...just like how you shouldnt have asked for extra chili -.-"

On another occasion, you brought me for a free Singapore Flyer ride just because SAF gives out corporate passes! and you were nice enough to take the trouble to collect it from a friend. Thank you for the awesome experience!

i finally had the courage to approach someone to help us take a couple pic. is it really coincidence that we always end up color matching??? 

truly breathtaking view

so "ham" hahahaha

On a separate occasion, i struggled with the decision to either go to Muar with you and your family (for your cousin's wedding!), or going ahead with Petrina's (former HOD) dinner date. Stressed me out a little bit but thank God you were there to support me throughout. Even though I returned to SG angsty because of my exaggerated perception of things, i'm still glad i made the decision to go to Muar with you and your family. Food was undeniably great and unbelievably affordable, but more importantly, it made me feel like a part of your big family. your welcoming and nice relatives were of course a huge bonus!

thinking back, i'm ashamed to have complained about your sister during the trip because i've been overly sensitive. my mom also correctly pointed out that i'll have even more problems with your family if i dont learn to be more tolerant and gracious toward them now. Of course i had valid reasons to feel offended when she kept insisting on having Bak Kut Teh, but since we didnt end up having it and since i should be more gracious, i didnt have the need to continue brooding over it and making it a huge issue between us after the trip. besides, being gracious and loving toward your family members is a show of my love for you too, so i really shouldnt have been so calculative about that. 

This could have gone haywire if you hadnt been so accommodating and understanding. I can imagine how much distress i must have put on you when i told you that I'm unable to live with your family after we get married. I think i've been too selfish to only consider my needs and neglected yours. 

I hope you realised by now that i tend to shoot my mouth off whenever i get an impulsive thought...such as the sudden and random panic over having to stay with your family. now that i think about it more calmly and rationally, i dont see why that could be a problem. while i'll try my very best to filter out these impulsive thoughts before verbalising them and allowing them to hurt you, i hope also that you will not take my impulsive words to heart. 

ever since i began to lose interest in a lot of things i'm doing (due to my current condition), i also didnt manage to take a lot of pictures :-( the only pictures were of food:

Robbin's a fantastic pastry chef, among his other cooking abilities! I love his tiramisu and black forest cream cake. The macarons look pretty but i'm really not a fan of this diabetic dessert

the ONLY pic of us on my camera T.T

The table full of handmade desserts, lovingly arranged in a garden theme

Lastly, thank you for the tremendous help given for the chalet i organised! It was busy for the both of us having to coordinate our guests and making them feel comfortable (of course it was busier for you since you had to be the driver for 3 days), but it was meaningful and fun doing it with you. I already know this by now, but it's always nice to have affirmations -- you will be a loving, committed, and patient partner to be with for the rest of my life. and clearly i wasnt the only one that's impressed; my family is even more certain that you are the one for me, and that i should do whatever i can to hold on to you. i just got "scolded" this evening for being emo on you again because they were afraid that you would not be able to take it in the long-run. 

i really dont know how else i can show my gratitude and love in return for everything that you've done for us...we would never have made it this far without you standing firm all this time. you've restored my faith in humanity!!! 

"I'll keep chasing you even if you run away from me. that's how you know i keep my promise to you that i will never leave you." (Chia Hsien, Toh, 2013)