I havent been writing much lately because we've been busy trying to overcome my random episodes of panic attacks/depression. Although it seems that my condition is still not going away any time soon, the good news is that you've realised i'm beginning to snap out of my "mode" much quicker than before. You've also become so much stronger at handling my episodes that you could even "scold" my negative thinking to bring me back from my irrational/emotional state of mind. I try my best to not give in to the voices each time i hear them, and i think i'm starting to make some slow, but sure progress. You have given me every reason to get better from this point on, and you are proof that God's love for me is unconditional and real. Neither He nor you have abandoned me despite all my unworthiness.
About a week ago, we started our first joint bank account with Standard Chartered so that we will be more disciplined in saving for our future. Though not yet legally married, but our commitment and enthusiasm for a life together made me feel like we're already married in our hearts.
When you finally told me that you've been contacting my HOD discreetly to help me get a better sense of my future workload and to seek approval for bringing me overseas for my recovery process, i felt overwhelmed with all the acts of love you've been doing behind the scenes. I've never imagined that there would be someone who'd care and do so much for me just so that i'll recover from my condition. I have no more excuses to believe that you will leave my side for selfish reasons.
I appreciate your family (esp your parents) as much as i do you. I am humbled and deeply grateful for their care and concern for me, even though i am just a gf to you at this point in time. Their consistently gentle reminders about how i should adopt a healthier lifestyle, their acceptance of me, their unspoken acts of love such as brewing tonics for me, and even going to the locksmith to duplicate a spare set of keys for me are beyond what i feel i deserve. It makes me wonder what an idiot i've been for even beginning to think that i need to defend myself with your family for fear of getting hurt, because i've only been receiving love so far. i used to treat them as your parents, care for them as your parents, but i've started to appreciate and love them as my own parents. i am so thankful you have wonderful loving parents (not the explicit kind, but still undeniably loving and caring).
Cant think of much to write now because you're away for work and i'm alone in your room :'( Just wanted to make a note that i'll turn down everyone else in the world just for you. You're the most precious gift from God and i will do all i can to love and protect you from harm. Although we do not know yet God's plan for us in these struggles we are experiencing, we can trust that His plans for us is always good. I cant wait for the day when we discover all the goodness He has planned for us all this while, and enjoy the goodness with you, and hopefully, little fat cat :-)
<3
"I will always be good to you, my wife-to-be" (Chia Hsien, Toh, 2013)
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