it was supposed to be a breakfast date at 1030am yesterday becuz we're planning a stayover at your place the same night. i was also about to meet you in my cheery mode until i let my negative thoughts get the better of me heheh! i know it probably started off looking super trivial to you, like this:
ah pek: lets eat at my place since u cant think of where to eat here
emo auntie: sure...but that would mean u drove all the way here to pick me up for nothing?
ah pek: yea, that's fine.
emo auntie: are u sure that's fine?
ah pek: yep
emo auntie: *panic mode*
ah pek: hey, dont think too much about it. control your thoughts ok?
emo auntie: no, it's not fine. i know you will be upset at me that you drove all the way here just to pick me up...and all becuz i overslept.
ah pek: no, i came here willingly. i volunteered to come pick you up, remember?
all i could remember after that was me trying super extremely hard to control my thoughts, but i couldnt. i couldnt becuz the silence in the car was too much for me to take, and the recurring nightmares of how my ex would definitely have been mad at me for something like this kept replaying at the back of my mind. of course i couldnt care less how my ex would feel about this, but since you didnt quite explain much, i could only apply my past experiences onto a similar situation like this. and that got me really really depressed and worried. when we got to your place the situation turned worse becuz you left me alone (for somewhat valid reasons) for such a long time that i took it that you were trying to ignore me. that feeling wasnt very far from being abandoned by someone close when i need a big hug the most. perhaps i should learn to voice what i need sometimes, but i like to still hang on to the thought that actions are more meaningful when done without being said to. i was hoping you'd comfort me and talk me out of my trance..and i was also wishing that i would find a way to gain control of my depressing thoughts. i'm sorry i couldnt fight my negative thoughts better. but i hope i get better the next time. or, better yet, i hope there wont be a next time where i have to feel this terrible...
this day could have gone really bad cuz i remember suggesting a temporary separation!!! it sounds a little silly on hindsight, but it felt like a natural response to my experiences at that point in time haha. since we both have our problems (me--a nerve-wreck who cant control her weird thoughts well enough; you--seem to have difficulties communicating with me) it sounded logical for us to take some time alone to think about whether our problems could be worked out individually first, before trying to come together as an overly-attached couple. ;-)
thank you for resisting my depressing thoughts and the "emo" side of me. to tell the truth, the frequency at which i become "emo" has dramatically decreased after getting into a relationship with you. i've never been in a relationship where i dont quarrel with my bf every other day. you're the first bf that i am able to get along so well with, and even if we quarrel we usually resolve it the same day too. i believe it's a sign that i'm getting better! plus another sign that God must really have taken special efforts to pick you to be STUCK with me for the rest of our lives muahahaha! :D
i cant wait for you to find out what i've done to your phone LOL!!!! cant wait for your epic expression when you find out that i've set an annoying alarm at 7am every monthsary hahahaha!!!! you're so going to fling your phone on the ground hahahaha!
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"i've no weakness that you can exploit. oh wait. i do, and it's you! please dont get emo on me!" (Chia Hsien, Toh, 2012)
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